Why It Took Me Sooo Long to Say ‘Boy, Bye’ - Hayley Tapper

Why It Took Me Sooo Long to Say ‘Boy, Bye’

 In RELATIONSHIPS
Have you ever found yourself in a situation that you knew deep down wasn’t working, but in spite of all the blaring warning signs, you couldn’t help but keep trying to make it work?

I certainly have.

I once dated this guy who treated me like an option, while I treated him as a priority. I was totally head over heels for him, and he just wasn’t that into me. Well, he was kinda into me—enough to message me when it suited him, or to see me when he had nothing better to do. But our relationship was never enough for him to “put a label on it” (or a ring, if you’re channelling Queen Bey).

I’m embarrassed to admit it, but this messy, heartbreaking, and undefined relationship (wait, was it a relationship?) went on for years.

Why? Because I thought that if I stuck it out long enough that he would eventually feel the same way I did, and we would finally live happily ever after.

Sound crazy? You betcha, it was! So why did it take me so long to figure this out?

My beliefs. The things I considered to be true, the stories I told myself—they were holding me back and keeping me in that messy situation.

I believed that if I stuck around long enough, he would eventually realise we were perfect together. I also believed, deep down, that I was not funny enough, smart enough, or pretty enough for him. And, because of this, I believed that I was not worthy of a loving, mutually-respectful relationship.

So I put up with his less-than-gentlemanly behaviour, his only-when-it-suited-him attitude, and his emotionally manipulative ways. And I let it go on, and on, and on…

Until I didn’t.

Until I realised that these beliefs—these stories I was telling myself—were making me so unhappy. They were keeping me in a situation that was causing me so much hurt and heartache.

But the good news? It was completely within my control to change it—to change everything. And so I did.

I replaced my old disempowering beliefs with new, empowering ones.

>> I am worthy of a loving, respectful relationship.

>> I am funny enough, smart enough, and pretty enough.

>> If he didn’t jump at the opportunity to be with me when we first met, he sure as hell ain’t gonna change three years down the track. And you know what? That’s his loss!

Of course, this shift didn’t happen overnight. It took time and conscious effort.

And him? In the wise words of Beyoncé, I said, “Boy, bye.”

What disempowering beliefs do you have that are keeping you stuck? Try this exercise to find out, and replace these negative thoughts with empowering beliefs instead:

Take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. In the first column write down all the disempowering beliefs you have. Think about the stories you tell yourself about money, love, your career, your health, and your abilities. Think about it: When do you talk down to yourself, make excuses for yourself, or hold back? These are all times when disempowering beliefs may be at play. List them all now.

Once you have done this, go through your list, and create a new, empowering belief to replace each old belief. Write these new beliefs in the second column.

Now, I know that disempowering beliefs don’t change just because you wrote down a list of new beliefs. But, by becoming aware of your disempowering beliefs, and realising how they may be shaping your world, you have taken your first powerful step in being able to change them.

Now it’s your turn! In the comments, tell me what disempowering belief has held you back? And what empowering belief are you going to replace it with instead?

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